A Mummy-To-Be…

Well, the title says it all. I literally cannot sleep at night. Last night we went to bed and watched a film (28 Days Later – sick, sick film) and finally turned everything off at 11.30pm. I thought I would fall straight to sleep but nooooo. By 1.13am I was still awake and already needing my first wee of the night. By 3.00am I was wide awake and up again and by about 4.30am (ish) when Matt got up for the toilet, I started moaning that I hadn’t been to sleep and that I was angry!

I finally gave in and got up around 7.30am as I didn’t see the point of staying in bed.

Not only that, but, I have felt so sick this week I just don’t get it. I’ve felt nauseas most of the way through this pregnancy so far, but not like this. This is the kind of nausea that makes you think.. ‘oh, I should stay close to a toilet’. It never comes to anything though.

I know it’s all going to be worth it in the end and it’s all good signs of a healthy pregnancy, but OMG, I NEED SOME SLEEP!

Yesterday I was feeling pretty low. I had pains lower down in my stomach that for some reason worried me. I also felt very sick too. I guess that I now think that if I feel unusual pains that they are going to be followed by bleeding. I had a warm bath which didn’t help and then decided to go to bed and lay down for a while incase they were caused by sitting scrunched up at my desk for too long.

Matt had popped to Sainsbury’s and I decided to stay upstairs until he returned. About 10 minutes after he left, there was someone knocking at the door. Since all the cold callers seem to come out after 5pm when they know everyone is at work, I decided to ignore it. They then knocked again. It’s hard to pretend you’re not home when all the windows are wide open and Barney is running around like a nutter pounding the floor boards and barking as if to say “yes, we’re in, we’re in!” Still, I decided to ignore it again. I then heard the person knock next door so started thinking it was a really cheeky cold caller who just wasn’t giving up!

I then heard the lady say something about “tried at next door but…” and thought, oops, it must be a delivery! As I popped my head out I could hear the foreign next door neighbours who we do not get along with (see my other Blog for details) and they were sending the woman to the house the other side of us. I called out the window and said “hello” to find it was a florist holding a lovely bouquet of flowers and a helium “Congrats” balloon. I went down to collect them and apologised for not answering quickly enough and told her I was suffering morning sickness. I didn’t know what else to tell her as to why I was so long in answering!

At first I thought they might be from Matt but then I thought that it would be weird for him to send a “Congrats” balloon on this occasion. When I opened the card inside I was quite overwhelmed to find that they were from Matt’s Dad (who lives in Canada now) and the card read: “To the Peterborough Mechams, Love From Grandpa Mecham”. How nice! I really was surprised and so was Matt when he got back from the shops and saw them. Thank you “Grandpa Mecham!!” We will be calling you in about half an hour!!

So, this afternoon, I’m sitting here working and the door goes again and Matt went to answer it. Up he comes with a huge bouquet of pink roses and lilies, another helium “Congrats” balloon, rather lovely looking chocolates (which are obviously for the Mum to be and a cute little teddy bear! I asked “who the hell are they from?” in shock and Matt said, “I don’t know, but they’re not from me” (again, I’d been thinking they perhaps were til I saw the balloon, LOL). When we opened the card we found they are from Matt’s younger brother Stuart! I promptly burst into tears! Not because I am unhappy, just because I really am so ovrewhelmed at how nice everyone has been and how pleased they all are to share our news!

Thank you Stu! So naughty for making me cry though

We also received a card from one of our “Wet Wet Wet” friends, Amanda, on Saturday morning and another from our “IPS” friends, Rikki and Bec, yesterday morning.

Anyway, here are some pictures of the gifts we have received. Thank you so much! They are really beautiful and we are both very touched! :*

Grandpa Mecham’s Flowers & Balloon:

Stuart’s Flowers:

Stuart’s Teddy and Chocolates:

I should also mention that when we first found out I was pregnant, although I refuse to even look at baby stuff at this point (even now as I still feel it is too early), my sister and Matthew wanted to give us something to mark being pregnant and bought us a really beautiful pregnancy journal. I’d never seen one before so it was a really nice surprise. It took me until around week 9 or 10 to even contemplate filling any of it in as I was so worried because of all the bleeds I’d had. I’ve completed some now and think it’s about time to start again. I can add one of our scan pictures in the relevant slot now and update it will all the necessary bits and bobs for the last few weeks. Thanks Jac and Matthew, love you both xxxx

My Pregnancy Journal:

Anyway, after a good little cry last night (even though the flowers cheered me up no end) and some sleep, I felt much better today and am feeling positive again!

Today was the day that we shared the news with Matt’s family, and therefore, the day that we get to shout our news to the entire world.

Oh, it’s felt GOOD!

Matt’s family were absolutely shocked. I don’t think any of them expected to be told that they were going to be a Grandmother, an Auntie or Uncle’s at all today! That makes it all the better for us though… true surprise!

After a rubbish journey home, we decided to post on all of our regular internet haunts. We have been desperate to tell everyone for weeks. Somehow it just made it a whole lot more realistic now. Scary!

The reactions from most people have been overwhelming. It’s amazing how something so small can bring so much joy to so many people. I thank every single one of you that has posted a word of congratulations to us today. It’s very much appreciated and warms my heart.

I hope if you’re reading this now that you will keep reading. However, I think that if I keep writing Blog entries that I will end up dehydrating myself through tears. Every time I write a Blog or read one of Matt’s, I end up with tears flooding my face. Hormones? No, I don’t think so. I just think that we have been through so much in such a short space of time that it’s finally hit home that;

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!

I couldn’t be happier. I have to be honest and say that there is still a part of me that is terrified that something will go wrong but I’m trying my absolute hardest to be positive. It’s feeling easier now that we have a picture of Flump to look at 24/7. Not only do we take the little scan picture everywhere with us, we have also uploaded it to a digital photo frame that I got for my birthday and have it in our bedroom so we can just stare at it from the bed.

Anyway, it’s been a long day so this is me signing off… til next time.

Debbie & Flump xxx

After another sleepless night worrying about there being more bleeding, (which there wasn’t!), we set off for our dating scan which was booked at 9am. I had to fill out a couple of forms and then wait to be called.

We were a little miffed though. Due to the fact that we had already had 3 re-assurance scans, the sonographer said she wouldn’t take measurements and would just show us quickly the fetus. Er, ok. We have waited weeks for this and now you’re not going to spend any time with us? Geez, thanks!

I lay on the bed, unzipped and she squeezed the gel on my belly – something I have become quite familiar with (although the gel in the EPU is always lovely and warm, at the Maternity Unit it was cold! LOL). There was a screen in front of her and also one in the corner of the room so Matt and I could both see.

As soon as she started, all I could see was Flump laying there motionless. I couldn’t see the tiny white heartbeat that I had seen on previous scans furiously beating away so I felt sick thinking that there was no heartbeat. A second later she pointed it out with the cross and Matt saw it but I still couldn’t so she went back again and showed me. Phew! That’s all I could say.

Matt was cheeky and said “I wonder how long it measures now, I’m always interested to see how much it’s grown” and with a slight roll of her eyes, she took a measurement. 42mm. That’s the CRL (Crown Rump Length) of Flump so he/she is spot on in size for the dates we have. The date remains at 10th March and that won’t change now.

Time for everyone to meet Flump…

And if you’re not sure what’s what.. here is a detailed one for you:

Now we just have to wait for the dreaded blood tests in September and the detailed 20 week scan in October. Mind you, we’re booking a BabyBond scan before then. We can’t wait

I went to bed last night at midnight and woke up an hour later feeling a bit wet and sticky. I went to the bathroom and found that I was bleeding (again).

I immediately panicked. If you’ve been reading this blog you will know that this isn’t the first time I have bled, but it is the worst that I have had. I’ve had slight cramps and twinges for the past couple of days so that added with the bleeding sent me in to an absolute frenzy. I had diarrhea, was almost sick and was shaking uncontrollably – shock I think. There were some small clots too.

Matt tried to remain as positive as possible but I can see the pain in his face and his eyes, he can’t hide it anymore. We called the EPU again and they asked if I had soaked a pad, which I hadn’t – nowhere near – thank goodness! They said to monitor it for an hour. After an hour the bleeding had faded off again – just like it has every other time, but the twinges remained.

EPU said that you need to worry when the clots are half the size of your palm and the pain is bad enough to take pain killers and you’re soaking pads every hour or so. All of these things are things that I do not have right now so I’m trying to remain positive. They can’t get me in for a re-assurance scan until next Tuesday due to Bank Holiday etc, but our official dating scan is tomorrow.

We ended up going to A & E for some re-assurance today. I wasn’t examined, just had my BP and pulse and temperature done, all of which were normal. The doctor said that with examining the cervix there is always a small risk of introducing infection so she preferred not to do that. I agreed. She said it didn’t sound like we were having a miscarriage but just told us that even if we were, there wouldn’t be anything that could be done. We know that anyway. Time will tell, however, I don’t think that is what’s happening.

She sent us home and told us to try and forget about it and think forward to the scan tomorrow.

We’ll try. Forgetting about it is not an option though, unfortunately.

We have been trying to think of a “womb name” for our baby so that we don’t have to keep calling him/her “it”. I don’t like for anything to be called “it”. It’s too impersonal. We have finally decided on one this morning…

FLUMP!

I saw it in a newsletter, so yes, I stole it, but we can’t come up with anything cute on our own and we both like “Flump”, so from here-on-in, our baby will be referred to as “Flump”.

Anyway, Flump is 11 weeks today and it’s now not long til our proper dating scan. We’re both so very excited about everything now and feeling refreshed after a week to ourselves.

After a night of no sleep and many more tears, our scan time came around very quickly this morning.

10.15am, we were called in to the ultrasound room, for the third time, and again, the squirt of gel on my belly made my heart race as the sonographer dug the ultrasound device in deep to have a good look round. Within 10 seconds, she had moved the screen around for us to look and there, once again, was our tiny little baby and it’s heart beating away furiously.

PHEW!!!

It’s not happened before, but this time, as I wiped the gel from my belly, I burst into tears as I started questioning the nurse who has been there for all three scans, as to why this keeps happening. The answer; they don’t know and they can’t see a reason – which I guess is good really.

The baby has grown from 16.8mm on Friday, to 28.0mm today – that’s 11.2mm in just THREE days (72 hours). It’s no wonder I have so many aches and pains in my lower abdomen.

As we thanked them for their time, we left the ward and this time, I had to take a seat outside as I just burst into tears again. I asked Matt if I looked a state and he laughed and said yes. Typically, for the first time, I had left my sunglasses in the car! Poor Matt was in a state this morning too. He was very stressed and his face just said how he felt. He tries so hard to keep it all positive for me but sometimes, he is like glass and I can just tell. I like his honesty and his ability to talk things through with me and I think that is the only way that we will get through these rough patches.

So, Friday is back on and we have decided that it’s not just going to be a BBQ, it’s going to be a party! We think we deserve it. Of course, not everyone coming will be aware of our news, but they will know in a few weeks time after our official dating scan .

We’re happy and smiling once again… now that we know our little miracle is growing beautifully.

This week (Friday) will be my birthday, and at the moment, I daren’t even think about it. Over the weekend things had improved and after the scan on Friday, I was feeling very positive about everything and really looking forward to the week. We started getting the garden ready for Friday night’s celebratory BBQ and all was happy in our household.

That was, until 8pm last night when I came upstairs for a shower. I went for a quick wee and to my horror, there is was, BRIGHT RED BLOOD on the tissue and in the toilet bowl. Horrified just isn’t the word. I felt absolutely sick with worry this time. It was worse than last week. I promptly yelled for Matt to come upstairs.

Again, he took on the duty of calling the EPU straight away and explaining the situation to them. They said to put a pad on and call back in an hour. Fortunately, after the initial 5-10 minute bleed, it turned brown again and has since faded away to slight spotting. I did have a very slight pain in my stomach but nothing really worth mentioning. When we called them back she said it sounded positive as the bleeding had stopped so quickly but that since we were so anxious and worried again, she would book us for a scan. We now have our third scan tomorrow morning at 10.15am. We are 9 weeks pregnant as of today.

Today has been a day of worry and tears. Not because I am still spotting, just because I am so scared now and keep convincing myself that this pregnancy is not going to survive. I know I need to be positive about it and I am trying, it’s just hard. I see the pain in Matt’s face every time I burst into tears and he must be fed up of having to console me all the time. This isn’t just about me and I know that, it’s about him too and he feels it just as much as I.

Fingers crossed (again) for tomorrow.