So I decided to do my daily test and I was quite amazed at just how quickly the positive line appears now. I usually do the cheaper tests so it doesn’t get TOO expensive, but I felt this morning that I wanted to do a ‘better’ one so I did one of Boots’ own.
I’d no sooner dipped it when the positive line appeared (at the same time as the other 2 lines), so I am happy again and feeling positive. I have no pains this morning so all is good.
Here is todays test:
I never realised for one second, how worrying being pregnant would be.
In my ignorance, I thought you got pregnant and you were happy about it. I didn’t know that with every little twinge and every pain that you would convince yourself something bad is going to happen.
When my sister got pregnant, she spent most of her time (all 3 times), worrying about all the bad things and all I could think was “You’re pregnant! This is what you wanted, now enjoy it”. I now understand that it isn’t that easy.
I now know that the first 12 weeks are going to be really difficult as it is in these first few weeks that if anything is likely to go wrong, it will. I’m not saying that nothing can happen in later pregnancy – I know it can – I’m not stupid, it’s just that you are so desperate for the pregnancy to really “stick” and right now I am petrified it won’t.
I’ve avoided reading about miscarriage myself as I truly believe that sometimes the more you know about the symptoms you will have when something bad (and often good too) is happening, the more you will possilby start ‘feeling’ those things and therefore drive yourself mad.
Matt had told me that one of the signs of miscarriage is a sharp pain on one side….
Last night I had a pain on one side of my stomach. I didn’t tell him until he asked what was worrying me (I must be like glass to him – he ALWAYS knows!) When I did tell him, he asked me what the pain was on a scale of 1 to 10, (1 being nothing, 10 being deathly). When I said “not bad”, he asked if it was 4, 5, 2? So I agreed with about a 2. He kind of laughed and said it was nothing to worry about then. I told him I know it probably isn’t but it’s just so hard not to worry. Then I burst into tears.
I’m trying so hard to be positive but it’s diffucult when you know you are pregnant but have nothing to show for it. I still look exactly the same – nothing has changed apart from me looking a bit more tired than usual and having a bit of dry skin on my face (as my 7 year old nephew, Ryan, so kindly pointed out on Friday night. “Oh, Aunt D, what’s wrong with your face? Aww, poor Aunt D” – like my face is about to fall off or something. It’s nice that he cares so much, bless him).
We are 6 weeks away from a scan, so even that can’t bring comfort right now. It’s another 3 days before the tiny ‘poppy seed’ sized heart of our baby starts to beat anyway so they’d likely not be able to see much as of today.
We haven’t been to the doctors yet – simply because we found out only a week ago and thought we would give it time and make sure. We’re going to make our appointment this week so perhaps that will make it more real? We’ll see.
After the ‘upset’ I got myself into last night, we went to bed to watch a film. I find it impossible to stay awake past 11pm these days so I missed around half of it (The Guardian). I fell asleep and didn’t really wake up properly again until about 5.30am-6.00am. That’s very unlike me.
Anyway, I’m still doing at least one test per day. Obviously, they are still coming up as positive. We worked out last night that we have done 36 in total so far. That’s quite a lot!
I’ve not done today’s yet… but I will! Maybe morning sickness will kick in this week. They reckon it happens around week 6 (which begins on Thursday). In a way, I hope it doesn’t, simply because I HATE being sick. I know no-one likes it but I have a real issue with it. Then again, it’s a very good sign in pregnancy so I think on this occasion, it’s something I could deal with…
